“I started therapy when I had reached a point in my life where I truly felt helpless and had thought of death or self harm as a means of escape. It was not the first time I had experienced this, but all the previous times I had repressed those emotions to survive. I never had the knowledge or resources to recover, and this deep emotional injury that I had been repressing has silently shaped my life to be driven by fear, insecurity, and a deep hatred of myself, without me even realizing. Therapy has been pivotal in my recovery into feeling more at peace with myself.

Prior to therapy, I had experienced many things that I had then considered “normal” as “difficult times that we all need to go through to grow as a person”. I had experienced disassociation, where in certain circumstances I would feel as if I had left my voice and body, and it was then controlled by some unknown force saying and doing things I did not want to. I had experienced panic attacks, where I would hyperventilate, unable to stop myself from crying and screaming. I had experienced a few years of depression at a young age, where I constantly thought of death and violence. I had engaged in many relationships which I now consider to be emotionally abusive. I had been repressing these memories to the extent that I only recently remembered many of these traumatic experiences after starting therapy by looking up my old journals and online history from that time period. That had convinced me that this was something really, really wrong that I have to face right now.

Therapy is not easy. To heal from these repressed emotional wounds, I have to dig them up and face them head on. Only by feeling the emotions I have tried to run away from can I be aware of them, and eventually, let them stop controlling the way I live my life. It is an exhausting process, and ultimately worth it. I still experience many of the things mentioned above today, but I am slowly and steadily more aware of how and why I feel. The therapy process does not make the problems go away, but it empowers me to take them on rather than helplessly give in.

Despite how difficult the process is, Eng Chuan always makes me feel safe and respected during sessions. He is extremely perceptive and is able to draw out all the memories and emotions behind the smallest change in facial expression or body language. He lets me receive my emotions, and then empowers me to face them by letting me express each feeling and how I come to terms with it in my own unique way. He guides me on beliefs I grew up with that are destructive to myself, as I initially could not tell. He is able to explain the many processes that I engage in when I experience too many emotions at once and it is too overwhelming for me to understand what is happening to me. He has an excellent view of the bigger picture as is able to tie in each session in the context of his cumulative experience with me, while also being flexible to go with what I would like to talk about without losing focus.

I have changed so much for the better since starting therapy. It is like a huge weight is slowly starting to lift off my shoulders. I am able to listen to myself and know my needs and boundaries better. I am more honest with myself and others, and am building a healthier relationship with myself and those around me. I know I still have a lot to go through in this healing journey, but I would not have it any other way.”